Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Its a date!

So the date has been set. My surgery is scheduled for February 29th. At first i didn't want to tell anyone, i dunno why. Maybe just childish reasons i guess.  But my work asked me today if they can tell people, not about my surgery but that ill be off for an extended amount of time. so i figured the cat will be outta the bag soon so it might as well come from my mouth. I'm very anxious. I really don't know why. I think I'm more scared of the after pain, than anything else really. I REALLY hate the relaying on someone else factor. I don't like that looming over me. It makes me feel like I owe people something, & i don't like that. I don't like doing things for nothing so I'm pretty sure other people don't either. But i can afford to pay people to "watch" me. Maybe that's the part I'm anxious about the most? If i could go through surgery & come home & take care of myself, i think i would be fine, but i cant so it sucks.
I hate being at work everyday feeling useless. I don't like when people ask if they can do something for me, it makes me feel incapable. I hate this whole thing all together!
But my friend Kristina & my sister Ginny have been so incredible! They both have been such a rock for me in ways they will never even know! Kristina has been there just to be my happy light & get my mind off of things or just to get things off of my chest. Ginny has been my everything. Shes been there to push me to make appts, to just get things going & also to vent my frustration about things i don't think anyone else would understand. So i really luv & appreciate both of them. Everyone else has been awesome to me completely but those 2 have gone above and beyond for me, so i really want to THANK them both!! <3
I have some pre op appts scheduled. One was yesterday, that one was basically to sign my life away. (all legal paperwork & scary surgery stuff)  Tomorrow I have an ultra sound to check on a previous medical issue. Tomorrow night is my surgery class/ support group. Then next Wednesday is the final pre op appt, the for sure this is happening to you appt. Theres soo much to do, yet everything i need to do before i actually go to surgery. I really just with this was all tomorrow so i could just get this over with. :/
but that's it for now...
Thank you everyone for your thoughts, prayers, willingness to help & just listening to me to begin with. THANK YOU ALL FOR EVERYTHING! <3 <3 <3

Thursday, February 2, 2012


I just seen my othro surgeon today. So its confirmed, i need surgery. They want to do a "drilling" surgery in my right hip which they hope will get more blood supply to the joint where i wont need a replacement (for me ever) for serious a while. The other one (left hip) i need surgery asap. they want to do the right one first (hoping my left hip will stay whole until they can get to it) but the left hip i need a total hip surgery. My dr is saying recovery time is 2 weeks, but everything on line says 4 to 6 weeks of recovery time. I oh so pray my dr is right! i cant/dont what to be off work too long! I so hate that i cant do my job as scheduled & the person covering me is prob. so overwhelmed! I honestley miss my position. I hate the one im currently in.
 Everything now is so crazy & overwhelming! All the paperwork, all the anwsers, Questions & the whole surgery processes in general. i guess i need to appoint a person that if i decide to kill over in surgery, they need to tell the dr my requests. Thats crazy to me in itself. Because you think does anyone really know you enough to think in your intrest & what you want for yourself? or what if  your want isnt what they want, will they carry out your want? All of this is wierd for me. I dont like relieing on anyone for anything, So this all super sucks!